Day 20 and 21: Another weekend bites the dust

Today my daughter woke me up at 6am. I wasn't dozing, I was full-on fast asleep and was ripped from my slumber to wide-awakeness in about 2 milliseconds. And guess what? It was fine. I felt a bit groggy and disorientated. But I was able to get up, smile, cuddle her. Mornings without hangovers are pretty special things.

So, what did I do this weekend?

1. Went for park walks each morning with the kids and dog.

2. Swam and sunbathed with a book by the pool.

3. Went for breakfast with old friends and new. There were babies, sunshine, lattes and sodas. Normally there would be beers, but it was fine.

4. Took two family bike rides - one in the burning sun, one in the rain.

5. Went grocery shopping at the fancy deli with my daughter. Bought our chocolate advent calendars even though it's mid-November.

6. Went for a run. Yes, you heard right. Got myself back into running and did a not-too shabby 6km loop. I was slow, but hey, I'm baaaaack!

7. Shopped at the craft store and got a few different shades of wool to make pompoms and teeny tiny bobble hats. We made a few prototypes, ready for Christmas season to properly commence on December 1st.

8. Finally took down the Halloween decorations and put them in storage rather than just dumping them in the kids room.

9. Took myself for a pedicure and foot massage.

10. Got my embroidery basket out and embroidered a very respectable fir tree (though I ran out of the dark green thread halfway down the tree).

Fun times without wine

I posted my cathartic list of the fun times I have had with drinking that may become collateral damage if I decide to go the distance with being alcohol free. It’s tough to think about giving those up. But those rose-tinted moments, however lovely, don’t actually even rank in my top happiest, proudest, free-est moments. What does that tell you? I’m putting up with hangovers, guilt, anxiety, for a handful of happy times that don’t even make the list. 

Here’s the actual list of some of the wonderful things that have happened without wine (and most often as a direct result of NOT drinking. Cos let’s face it, there are no coincidences people.)

• Given birth, twice.

• Climbed Mt Rinjani, a volcano in Lombok. We had our ten-month-old baby in a backpack, and I was eight weeks pregnant. It felt amazing.

• Paraglided in the Annapurna range in Pokhara, Nepal.

• Walked the Langtang Valley trek in the Himalayas. We took about 6 days and the altitude was way too high to enjoy a drink.

• Walked along a sleepy railway track in Ella, Sri Lanka, to watch a train crossing an incredible nine-arch bridge.

• Done a lot of yoga.

• Walked my dog around the park in the early morning mist, with the kids still in Pjs, racing around on their bikes.

• Got lost in craft supply shops.

• Made Halloween and Christmas decorations at the dining table with my children.

• Ordered room service breakfast on the morning of our wedding.

• Spent a week on the Gili Islands.

• Cycled around the neighbourhood on Christmas Eve to see the Christmas lights, with the babies on the backs of our bicycles.

• Taught my daughter how to read.

• Had mushrooms and scrambled egg on an English muffin for breakfast (made by my husband).

• Got up at 3am to start a half-marathon (twice).

• Watched elephants from an open jeep in Udawalawe, Sri Lanka.

What's on your list?

What the wine witch whispers: Fun times with wine

I don’t want to glamourise drinking, or give more of a voice to the old wine witch than she already tries to occupy in my head. But I do think there is perhaps a mindfulness exercise in writing out some of the memories and situations she is planting in my thoughts. Then I can recognise them, acknowledge them for the good memories they are, but not let them lead me away from the new goal I’ve set myself.

• Pints in a pub garden in May/June

• Post-work craft beers with colleagues

• Red wine on the sleeper train from London to Scotland

• Chilled beers on the beach / in the park / by the pool with my friends

• Hot sake in Kyoto

• Warm beers on the terrace of a tea plantation in Sri Lanka, watching fireflies

• Beer at the airport before a flight

• Glass of red wine on a long-haul flight, just before they turn the lights down

• Wine with husband on the sofa

• 2 bottles of Malbec on my first date with my husband

• Mulled wine at Christmas

BUT bad times with drinking:

• The smell of last night’s Sambuca shots (never mine, I hate it!) on the serving trays at my bar job.

• That mouth-filling-with-saliva moment you realise a Tequila or Jägermeister shot has not gone down well.

• Standing up and realising you’ve had too many.

• Lying down and closing your eyes and feeling the world spin.

• Waking up at 3am, needing the loo and a glass of water.

• Coming home later than you said/promised you would.

• Leaving belongings in the bar or at the house you went to.

• Dinner bills being twice as much.

• Forgetting the end of movies / TV shows and having to rewatch them the next day.

• Increasing anxiety, feeling of dread the older I’ve become.

• Too much time thinking about not drinking.

All the great stuff that happens when I don't drink

You know when I didn’t bite the hell out of my nails? When I was pregnant and not drinking.

You know when I decided to take a deeper look at my yoga practice and took two courses on the history of yoga and how to develop a personal practice?

When I was pregnant and not drinking.

You know when I climbed a volcano with a ten-month-old baby?

When I was pregnant and not drinking.

You know when I took my 200 hour yoga teacher training, training 18 hours every weekend and an hour every weeknight?

When I was pregnant and not drinking.

You know when I got back into reading, joined Goodreads and set myself an annual goal of new books to read?

During Sober October.

You know when I went to an embroidery class and decided to stitch a small pattern everyday to make a beautiful tapestry over one year?

During Dry January (and the project was abandoned in February).

You know when I ran my best time for a half-marathon?

During Dry January.

You know when I started my first blog?

When I was pregnant and not drinking.

You know when I started this blog?

When I wasn’t drinking

#soberlife #sober #recovery #soberAF #soberliving #soberoctober