I keep having dreams about drinking or smoking - just general bad-for-you behaviour. Really strange. In some of them I get completely wasted and wake up with shame and misery. In others, like last night, I only have two glasses of wine and then in the morning I just feel flat and think, well, why did I even bother?
So, it makes zero sense that I was just sitting idling at my office desk, thinking maybe today is a day for getting a beer at a bar with my husband, or buying a nice bottle of red on my way home. Then I thought of the dream and how rubbish I felt until I woke up and realised it wasn't true.
But then I feel annoyed that I've not only got a wine witch, but an anti-wine witch, too. And I don't know which one of them is the real, rational me. Really, I can't just moderate and enjoy a drink with my husband? I've proved myself, haven't I? 30 days and counting.
But THEN I remember Clare Pooley and Cath Gray, among others, saying:
Why do you keep doing the hard part over and over again?!
The first month is supposed to be the hardest - the good stuff comes later. I've heard that anyone sober curious should stick it out for 3 months before they make a decision. But with the Christmas period coming up, I'm not sure I want those three months to be now.
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