Friends are being surprisingly and heartwarmingly understanding. Don't get me wrong, I think they would welcome me back off the wagon with open arms, but they weren't pushing me to 'just have one'.
Despite that, I felt quite self-conscious being the only one not drinking and found it hard to relax into the night. I felt quiet and tongue-tied and kept trying to push myself to speak, but wasn't quite feeling it. I was glad to be out with them and love their company, but felt like I was on the fringes.
No one was drunk at all, they probably had three or four beers while I was there, and my fellow mum friend was alternating beers with soda (wise woman - I've always envied her ability to moderate). But three hours in, I was ready to call it a night and that's where the difference really stood out. I would usually be the one calling in a cheeky last one, staying with the birthday girl til the end.
I stood up to pay the bill (£3 total) and order an Uber, and birthday girl thanked me for coming despite being off the booze. You must rather be at home on the sofa watching Succession, so thank you so much for coming out.
I felt both incredibly lucky that my friend knows me (and my Kieran Culkin obsession), respects my decision and is grateful to me for making the effort, but also a bit sad that she'd think I would prefer to watch TV rather than see her, if there's no wine on the table. I don't want friends to think I'm having a bad time just because I don't have a drink.
In fact, this is why I'm trying to stop. So that I can get myself to a place where I don't feel bereft if I'm out without a drink.
No comments:
Post a Comment